her vagine was all disorganized.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
