I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
