just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize