You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
