real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
