he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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