We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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