I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
