Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
