South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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