it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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