hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
