Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
