Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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