Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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