so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
