i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
