yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
