WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
