you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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