Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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