my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
