The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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