a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless