Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
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please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want her autograph on my taint
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT