my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we have officially lost it.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow