Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme