"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.