So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's blow job season.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace