The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just cropdusted the office
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.