Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.