Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
