I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just found puke in my bra..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
