grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
