smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize