When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
