i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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