My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
