the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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