Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
