Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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