its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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