if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
