Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
