I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
