Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can text with my tongue
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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