It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
