having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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