Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
