got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
