at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
