Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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