Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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