I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
