i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
