So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
