I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
