Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
