please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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