She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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