so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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