I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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