you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
