Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
