That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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