I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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