why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
