afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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