why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
