So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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