I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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