Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
