I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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