his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize