Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
