Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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