btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
