you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
farters have to be the big spoon...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
