Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
