I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
