I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
