When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize