My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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