In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i've created a new STD.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
