So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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