I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
