the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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