Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
