i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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